Lessons in Female Pleasure – How to Overcome Orgasm Dysfunction
Despite having never felt an orgasm, she loves sex with her husband and is easily aroused. She’s perfected the technique of “faking” it, but after years of longing for pleasure and even unsuccessfully trying masturbation, she’s ready to feel the real thing.
Case #: 794
Concern：
I am 28 years old and have one child. My husband’s penis is about 8 inches long…no problem there. We have sexual intercourse around three to six times a week…no problem there. I enjoy intercourse, and we both love oral sex and participate regularly – almost every time we have sex. My problem is I have never had an orgasm with any of my partners, although none of them know this. I have tried to masturbate by myself and yet still cannot achieve orgasm. I love having sex, it feels great. I love oral sex even more, and I get so aroused and excited. But I can’t reach climax. My husband will sometimes “look” to see if I have one or not. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, as he will think he’s not pleasing me. I’ve faked it for so long, I don’t want him to know! Please help me. Not only do I want him to see me have an orgasm, I’d like to experience it, too.
Discussion：
Even with proper sexual stimulation, a loving partner and the desire to engage in sex, orgasm eludes an estimated one in three women. Many years ago this wasn’t considered a problem because society shunned the idea that women should enjoy intercourse. Today, however, women are encouraged to achieve the same feelings of pleasure that men enjoy. But be patient – just because you’re married and an “experienced” woman doesn’t mean that reaching orgasm is easy. It can, in fact, be quite difficult, meaning many women experience orgasm dysfunction at some time or another.
Pressures to Reach Orgasm
A strong and misguided mantra that sex equals orgasm prevails in today’s world. This puts pressure on women to reach climax every time they have intercourse, and when they can’t, they feel like something is wrong. But the pressure of thinking you should effortlessly reach climax can prevent you from doing so. Sex requires a combination of physical desire and mental relaxation. Without one, the other is useless. It sounds like during sex you hope against hope that you’ll orgasm, which makes you feel anxious. You’re also concerned about hurting your husband’s feelings as you long to feel an orgasm. All of these thoughts are muddling the sexual experience for you.
Open Communication
You need to communicate your feelings to your husband. It’s not necessary to tell him you’ve never climaxed, but you do need to explain what makes you feel aroused and how he can give you the greatest pleasure. If the two of you repeatedly engage in the same act –oral sex followed by intercourse – you may need more stimulation than what you’re getting. Your husband might also need to hone his skills or just spend more time on you before taking his own pleasure. However, he can’t know any of this without your honest and open communication. Use non-threatening statements like, “I really love when you do this” or “Would you mind if we tried this?”
Take on a New Role
To garner the most out of a conversation with your husband, you must first find what brings you pleasure. You should therefore feel free to step out of your comfort zone and become unabashedly familiar with your body. You mentioned that you’ve tried masturbation, but it’s possible that you didn’t give yourself enough time or didn’t feel comfortable enough to perfect your technique. Most women do not orgasm from vaginal penetration, but instead reach climax from clitoral stimulation. You should find your clitoris and find ways to stroke, caress and tease it until you at last orgasm. It will happen, just be patient and lose yourself in the pleasant sensations. Experiment with sex toys, pleasure yourself in the shower or simply take an afternoon for yourself in the bedroom.
Stay Relaxed
To change your frame of mind about sex and orgasm, you need to relax. Start this at the same time you begin masturbation by going into the experience with a different mental attitude. Tell yourself you’re exploring your sexuality rather than waiting for climax. This will help you revel in the moment so your orgasm comes naturally and easily.
A simple breathing and meditation technique known as Harmony Qi Gong can help you prepare for sex and masturbation. This technique requires nothing more than deep breathing exercises to restore calm and peace to your mind. It is an ideal way to assuage worries and even rejuvenate your body. Coupled with new ways to sexually express yourself, Harmony Qi Gong should have you reaching orgasm in no time at all.